Ass Therapy at Castro

From Zvia, an avid Zabajnikit…

While visiting Israel last month I wanted to buy jeans, so I went to check out Castro. Immediately a worker was on top of me, throwing “jeansim” at me and saying, “you need this pair and this pair.” I was like, “lookie here, it’s JEANS and I’m not interested.” That obviously didn’t deter her so she raised my shirt to see my waist and started guessing my size. I told her what it was but she didn’t believe me, so she called over her stupid friend, who told me I’m not the size I said I am. They know. They also thought I’m “yotzet min ha’klal” (out of the ordinary) with the “jeansim” on and how its “sof ha’derech.”

One of the girls called Gad over, who talked to me about how my body is perfect for the jeansim and how he wasn’t going to let me leave without them. Then all three started talking about how I actually do have an ass and I’m not just some random skinny girl. They actually were tapping me on the shoulder going, “yeee you go girl” and then made me try on the other pair and do the whole thing again.

The worker told me that I must buy both pairs and that I shouldn’t worry because she’d split up the payments on different credit cards for me, as if that meant I’d save money. The whole time I was thinking, “What the hell? What do these crazy Israelis do? Does that make it seem like its less money? And why would that make me, a rich American, want to buy the jeansim more?”

After all, it turns out the jeansim were nice and just what I wanted so I bought them… and meanwhile they started pushing “t-shirtim” on me. I basically ran out of there without my shoes on as if I was escaping from a bunch of wild animals with Bamba on their breath.

Oh, and did I mention that the whole time they kept comparing their fat asses to mine and saying that, although they wear the jeansim, they don’t look as good on them as they do on me. It was sort of like a group ass-therapy session for them and all I wanted was some jeansim.

Am Yisrael Bye!

6 Responses to Ass Therapy at Castro

  1. dlowbeer says:

    Have you noticed how Israelis take English words, turn them into Hebrew, and then back into English again, but differently?

    I was at the cinema just now, and there was a preview for a pretty good-looking movie called “Beaufort”. It became בופור in Hebrew, which is perfectly legitimate, but then for the website, it got turned back into English as “Bufor”. But it doesn’t end there.

    Super-Sal, the supermarket chain, clearly got its name from “super” and סל (“basket”). But for its website, it is “shufersal”. Like it came from “shofar” or something. But it doesn’t even end there.

    I got into a taxi in Jerusalem and asked the driver to take me to Chopin St. (רחוב שופן). He had no idea what I was talking about. After a few minutes, and a few attempts to explain where I wanted to go: “Oh …… you mean Rechov Shufan”. Yes, silly me. My favourite Polish composer’s name really came from the word for “bunny”.

  2. Let me explain says:

    “Bufor” is the name of that place, not beafort as a fort.
    “Super-Sal”- It’s not from the word super, the meaning of shufer is very god like: “shufra de shufra”.
    About the taxi driver…. o well…

  3. Saar says:

    sorry for your bad experience in Castro. do try and see the differences between the Jewish American culture, and the Israeli one. Here, everything is external, people say whatever they think or feel, and that’s why you’re so shocked.

    I liked you writing :- )


  4. Uri says:

    The original name of the place is beau fort (indeed from the word fort only from franch- due to the fact that the french built this fort during the time of the cruisades).

  5. yiftach tiran says:

    you just told a lot of shit.i don’t knew how to write english but i try.
    you visted in one shope and you think it is al israel???
    i live israel my self and i dont think she is like you describe it…
    if I was visiting usa and in one store men refer to me pready bad you think i was say this is like all america?? hell no!!
    so why you doing this to us?!

  6. I ARE ISRAELY says:

    cause IT IS like that. DON’T justify the lack of tact !

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