No *Wonder* I’m Homeless (.co.il…)

March 6, 2007

Well, it’s that time again. I’m moving up and moving on, and hopefully moving to a new apartment with no roomates for the first time since making Aliyah.

Thus the dreaded search begins. Now, apartment hunting around here is somewhat different than what I was always used to back in the US and A; it’s a seller’s market and that’s obvious. Plus, landlords balk at ever putting a penny into improving a rented apartment because, well, they don’t have to. So I’m looking for something new, or otherwise renovated, and pickings are slim. E.g., I saw a brand new apartment for $860/mo (!) in which I had the following conversation:

Jook: “But what if I want a stove?”

Realtor: “You can’t do that. There’s no room. Or a stove or a refrigerator.”

Jook: “So…what if I want to cook?”

Realtor: “What do you need a stove for? Order out!”

*Sigh.* It goes on like this…but I’ll wrap this up. Couple things I noticed while hunting today that I found captivatingly Israeli:

  1. The spin people try to put on their crappy apartment’s shortcomings when describing them: “Apartment with style! Painted floor!” ($925/mo)
  2. The very fact that hardly anybody sees the need to post pictures of their apartments, even in this day of ubiquitous cell phone cameras. And here’s an example of someone who actually did post a pic.

Sounds…

March 5, 2007

Due to technical difficulties, all sound files on Zabaj will be offline for the next few hours. Sorry for the inconvenience.

In the meantime, check out Isreality, the newest addition to our blogroll (following their plug of our “Each kit of tooth thing of the big in simpleton” post).


Wishing you a Happy End…

March 5, 2007

This remindes me of the famous “End Carol” … We wish you a Happy End, we wish you a Happy End, we wish you a Happy End and a … well there’s nothing after that.

Make sure to do all of your End shopping this week. Only 4 more days until End Day!

Happy End!

Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?! If you make your way to Dizengoff Center, you will see these signs plastered all over the building. I snapped the picture with my crappy cellphone camera.

The End.

*Click on picture for full-sized image.


Ziun al ha bama?!

March 5, 2007

So, due to my…um…NOT pot-induced paranoia about taking pictures in Amsterdam’s Red Light District, this post is woefully missing an explanatory pic. I’m sorry.

But, we’ll go on…we’re walking around Amsterdam the other day and see the following sign on one of the “theaters:”

“זיון על הבמה”

Or, “F*cking on the stage.” Now, I should mention that this was in several languages, but that Hebrew was the first one. When I’m looking for a language to express the most morally devoid thing I can think of, of course Hebrew is my first choice (?!).

And no*, we didn’t waste 25 Euro on that crap.

*I swear. We’re cheap.


Happy Purim, Simpleton!

March 4, 2007

Went shopping for Purim costumes yesterday. Came across this zabaj masterpiece.

For those literates out there, it reads … “Each kit of tooth thing of the big in simpleton”

Makes perfect sense to me!

Purim Simpleton

*Click to see full-sized image


On de face

March 2, 2007

Ever wonder how in the world the expression “על הפנים” (al-ha-panim) came to be the #1 expression to use when something sucks? In English, it means, “on the face” (wiz izraeli accent – ‘on de fayce’).

Please help me solve this riddle.


Well now…that’s not very nice!

March 2, 2007

When an Israeli is frustrated and has “had enough,” you’ll hear him or her exclaim “די!” which means “Enough!” and when pronounced, sounds like “DIE!”

If you listen closely, you will hear this expression quite a lot in one day…at the supermarket when someone’s toddler won’t stop begging for Bisli or at the bus stop when kids are being nudniks…or perhaps at a stop light when a young lady is fussing at her boyfriend who doesn’t know when to leave her alone.

For someone who isn’t familiar with Hebrew, it appears as if everyone walks around Israel telling people to die. Talk about shocking!

What will be really shocking is when the olim go back to their hometowns for a visit and as soon as they get frustrated with their nagging parents or annoying siblings, they’ll exclaim, “די!” out of habit…it probably won’t go over very well!


Shlomo Aboutbul’s Reluctant Rap

March 1, 2007

For those of you who knew Jacob’s blog back in ‘aught 5, this will be a blast from the (dorky) past. Basically, I snuck a digital recorder into my god-awful truck driving course in the army. Hillarity ensued. Made this song:

And now the story behind it… Read the rest of this entry »


Squeegee Rehab!

March 1, 2007

I don’t get it … what is the obsession with squeegees in this country?! Israel needs a squeegee rehab.Squeegee

I need a squeegee rehab. I’m getting addicted to squeegees… it’s almost normal for me to squeegee stuff up. I’m starting to wonder how the hell I ever washed a dish without squeegeeing up all the crap water when I was done. To be honest, I think this is the first time in my life I ever wrote the word squeegee. I had to look it up in the dictionary…I had no idea how many E’s are in the word.

I haven’t counted, but I think I have 19 different sized squeegees in my apartment. I have a mini-squeegee in my kitchen for squeeging all the water down my sink drain. I have a normal-sized squeegee for my car. I have another normal-sized squeegee for my windows. I have another mini-squeegee for my bathroom. My vacuum cleaner has a squeegee attachment (don’t ask me why). I have a teenee squeegee for my computer screen. And I have this giant humungaloid monster-sized squeegee for my floors.

Don’t get me started on Sponja

Am I the only Anglo terrified to “do sponja?” Where the hell did the word Sponja come from? The whole idea of spilling a lake of dirty water on the floor and squeegeeing it into a Jook infested hole in my bathroom, rubs me the wrong way. I have these nightmares of me drowning in a puddle of Sponja backwash. I think sponja deserves a full post on its own.


I scream, you scream…

March 1, 2007

ice-cream.jpeg

The Hebrew expression for “third time’s a charm” is pa’am shlishi glida which translates to “third time is ice cream.”

It comes from the time of the British Mandate when the English would say, “If I see you a third time, I’ll scream.” Israelis heard “ice cream” and stuck with it.

Thanks for reminding us of this one, Brad. It’s one of my favorites!