Traffic jam for a coffee

September 27, 2007

I was sitting at my favorite street cafe the other day when I noticed someone park on the street in front of the cafe, buy a coffee and sit on a bench to drink it. The crazy thing is that this guy parked ON the street. It wasn’t a parking spot. He literally blocked a lane of traffic on the very busy small-middle-part of Rothschild Boulevard to get a coffee. But he didn’t just want coffee, he sat down on a bench to drink it while other drivers were swerving their cars around his. I was so stunned that I took to the street with my cell phone to document the event. click to see each picture bigger

The car

The parked car

Behind the car

The guy sipping coffee while his car is parked IN the street

A jam

One of the many traffic accidents narrowly avoided as his car sits there

The dude

The dude (Israeli)


Driving in Israel, Part II

September 26, 2007

As a follow up to my original post, I wanted to update our faithful readers. The other day I was sitting at a stop light in Jerusalem. There was a long line of traffic — it’s one of those pain in the ass lights that ALWAYS has a line of traffic backed up.

So I’m sitting there.

And sitting there.

I check rear view mirror.

Note the traffic behind me.

I inch forward.

We sit.

Sit a little more.

**BOOM**

I got hit. How does one get hit when we’re all just sitting? I get out of the car and the other driver gets out…

“Ha kol beseder (Everything is fine),” he states. Not a question. A statement. Gee thanks, asshole, for letting me know that my car and my body are both FINE after you HIT ME while we’re all just SITTING at a light. I checked the bumper. There was a scratch on my brand new car. Not horrible but I did NOT want some jerk telling me that I’m ok. I told him it’s not ok. משטרה

I do a double take. It’s a cop.

People…I got hit at a stop light by a cop. I swear it. And the cop tried to tell me that I’m ok. I was so shocked, I lost all my Hebrew and just stared at him as though he was an alien. Meanwhile the traffic STILL hasn’t moved and we’re all STILL sitting in the same spots.

I took his license plate number and got in my car.

Who do you call when it’s the cops who have hit you!?


Business Lanch

September 18, 2007

Business Lanch

Most Israeli restaurants offer special “lunch menus” with fixed prices, as most other places in the world. However, I’m not sure if these deals are called “business lunches” anywhere else, as they are here. Then again, even here they are sometimes called “business lanches,” as our menu here shows (click to see the full size version).

This menu found at Fidel, Castro’s eat-in restaurant. I’ll let you guys figure *that* one out…


Whale Done!

September 18, 2007

Whale done

This was the gift I got from my bank this year, an inspiration book about the power of positive thinking. First, its ironic that the book is translated from English (are there no inspiration Hebrew books written by people other than god?) Second, they changed the original title and came up with one on their own (obviously) – Whale Done! (click the pic to see a full version). As always, I’m sure we can all imagine that boardroom meeting: “No, no, I am telling you, the Americans talk like dzis, they say ‘whale done’ as a funny American joke and so we must do it as well, whale done!”


Eat your vegetals!

September 17, 2007

Zabajnikit Davida sent us a few gifts in honor of the New Year (click any image to see it full-size):

Stop Tush

Two bottles of “Stop Tush” in scented gel form that’s good for children and adults.

Shit sign

A street sign near Haifa that warns dog owners to a 660NIS fine if they don’t clean up after their dogs. To get people’s attention the sign exclaims “Shit! I stepped in it again!”

Vegetal

And perhaps the best pic in the batch is of a bag of frozen vegetarian shnitzel. Except they spelled it “Vegetal.” I’m sure we can all imagine Udi Manyak screaming at his kids, “Almog, Dudi, Ron, come cheere and eat your vegetalsim!”


A Tel Aviv New Year

September 6, 2007

For the secular folks in Israel there isn’t really a big focus on saying “happy new year” these days. Instead, they prefer wishing each other that they go conduct sexual intercourse with themselves.


Chinese food?

September 4, 2007

Sweet and sour chickenSo I was eating lunch today…a plate of Chinese food. Or “Chinese food” as I like to call it in Israel. I guess Chinese food in America is also pretty far from real Chinese cuisine but at least it tastes good.

Anyway, I was eating like a sweet and sour chicken kind of thing…you know, the one with pineapples. This one had pineapples and peppers and onions and a sweet-ish sauce and I bit into it and tasted something bitter. I looked down on my plate and saw that the dish included sliced pickles.

Kid you not.

Pickles in the sweet and sour chicken.

Only in Israel…we love us some pickles over here!