Because You Suck, That’s Why


I read an interesting article in Haaretz today on the recent 5-day mission to Israel of a few Hollywood bigwigs. Apparently the experience culminated with a Q&A at the Tel Aviv Cinematheque with the Hollywood visitors fielding questions by Israeli film industry hopefuls. The author of the article refers to the questions unabashedly centering around “how can I get a job in Hollywood?” and never straying from that theme for too long. I mean, I see why, but some common sense? You’re talking to the most vile elitists of American society and expecting them to actually give you a satisfying answer to that question by cornering them over and over?

I can probably recreate the scene:

BigWig: So, you can see, we’re always looking abroad to film our projects and draw talen..

Dudi: Ehhhhh, how I get job in Hollywood?

BigWig: ..nt from all over the- huh? Oh, um, hi. Yeah, like I said we’re always open to new talent and …(general noncommital platitudes)…

Shmulik: So you say, I must to come make film and you pay me in Hollywood USA?

BigWig: Well, let me repeat that we’re interested in anything that makes us lots of money; with regards to specifics I can’t… (generally phony but nonoffensive American expressions of disinterest)…

Dedi: I give you script!

BigWig: No, we can’t accept unsolicited scripts for legal rea-

Dedi: No? Why? I give you — It’s make tale of hummus legacy set in…

Ugh. You see where this is going. What is it with all the “why?” anyway when you simply reject something straight up? I get it *without fail* at the car wash I occasionally go to. They’re trying to pimp on me some 600 shekel membership when a) I don’t always go there and b) I don’t need to prepay my car washes. But “no, not interested” is never enough. It’s all, “why not? nu??” Do they really think that by cornering a consumer and making him rue the day he ever told them he wasn’t interested, that I’m going to be the least bit inclined to buy anything there? BECAUSE YOUR PROPOSITION SUCKS, THAT’S WHY NOT. Why should I down-pay hundreds of shekels to save like, ten over the next 6 months? The math doesn’t even work out. I’m half tempted to bust out a PowerPoint next time.

6 Responses to Because You Suck, That’s Why

  1. Ethan says:

    a. the carwash strategy reminds me of that of AOL’s. I think they’re the masters of customer dissatisfaction. and they have Americain their name.
    b. The imagined dialog sounds like a scene out of Borat. based on events like this I’ve attended (panels with Leonard Nimoy in a director’s convention, the producers of the Mosad movie, etc), things could not be that bad.
    The characters you depicted are taxi-cab drivers, not filmatographers.

  2. NG says:

    The next time they harass you at the car wash for declining to join, you should tell them that you’re already a member of someone else’s car wash club. And when they ask you how much you pay to be a member, make up an insanely, ridiculously low price, like NIS 100 for 10 car washes over a year. That will shut them up. I do this all the time when people ask me the specifics on my rent, my salary, my student loans, etc.

  3. thejook says:

    Well, it’s hyperbole.

  4. Warren says:

    How about if you tell them “I’m doing you a favor. The last time I prepaid for something, they went out of business the following week.”

  5. emoglobin says:

    ehhhhh…. what is the funny in this?

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