Thanks for the Advice


Y’ever notice how (who am I, Andy Rooney here?) Israelis tend to answer requests for advice with absolutely ridiculous non-sequitur suggestions?  It’s as if they decide to forget everything they know about the person and his situation and jump straight to advice based on who they are and what situation they’re in?  Okay, even *I’m* not following at this point, so, an example:

Jook: I’m looking to rent a house, somewhere in Hod HaSharon, my budget is approx. $1000/mo, I’m looking for something small but nice, maybe around 150 square meters…

Israeli Advice Giver: Why don’t you rent a trailer in somebody’s backyard?

Yeah.  So, for those that don’t think this is ridiculous, let me do a little recreation here, but let’s pretend I want an iPod instead of a house:

Jook: I want that new 16 gig iPod touch, it’s really cool.

Israeli Advice Giver: Why don’t you make a guitar out of a 1 x 4, rubber bands, and thumbtacks?

I mean, really? A trailer.  And this suggestion came from several people. Who am I,  Jethro from The Beverly Hillbillies?  No, I’m a 27-year old bachelor internet executive who’s gonna go live in a trailer.  Thanks, man.  I’m not looking for professional advice here, but is it too much to ask that they have the attention span to pay attention to the part where I describe what I’m looking for?  Just askin’ if you heard anything ’bout a house for rent, that’s all…Not that the trailer thing is so frowned upon around here, apparently.  Successful, self-sufficient salaried guys are going out and renting trailers.  I even have a friend whose friend built a tent in his parents’ backyard (and no he wasn’t Billy Madison) What’s with the infantilism?  Maybe it’s cultural (and maybe I’m imposing my values a little bit here), but does it seem to anyone else that Israeli men sometimes live in a suspended state of adolescence until they get married?  “Aw man, that Jook, king in the castle, with his SOLID WALLS and all…”

Maybe I should just go live in a treehouse for chrissake and instead of a phone, I’ll bring back the Campbell’s soup cans with the fishing wire between them and communicate that way.  Then I’ll put up a sign that says “NO GIRLZ ALLOWD” until the tomboy down the street works her way into my heart and I experience my first tryst with summertime love and permaturely ejaculate into my light blue Ocean Pacific shorts that one time in my uncle’s basement in 1991.  Huh? Right. House.

Lemme know if anyone hears of anything for rent!

5 Responses to Thanks for the Advice

  1. Nicole says:

    I completely agree with you – I was on the receiving end of something similar the other day. On the other hand, maybe they were trying to point out that $1000 for a nice 150sqm house is not realistic, and if that’s your budget maybe you should look for a trailer? 🙂

  2. eliesheva says:

    Nice BM reference… That last paragraph sounds like it’s straight out of a Sandler film.

  3. eliesheva says:

    Man, that felt fake. Like I had practiced it.

  4. That last paragraph was just hilarious! Seriously, it’s my number one complaint in relationships with Israelis. Discussions with Israelis. It’s not that they don’t pay attention to what you are saying, it’s that they are always right, no matter how ridiculous. I think when you figure out that you are infallible, you can just come up with any old bullshit, and pass it off as ‘good advice.’

    “I want to move to Israel and fight for the Jewish people”
    “Ehhh, no no, you should travel around South America. You’re only 26. Your parents will give you the money, no?”

    Typical shit.

  5. Yoosi Saar says:

    Why are you complaining,you asked a stupid question and you got a stupid answer,for a $1000/mo,somewhere in hod hasharon??? you might as well look for a tree house to live in,or perhaps in a dunny.

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